Yesterday was International Women’s Day and women were encouraged to stay home, not go to work, not shop and spend money unless it was at a small business owned by another woman in an effort to create “A Day Without a Woman”. I’m all for this and fully grateful to the entire women’s liberation movement of the 60’s and 70’s but I’ve been waiting patiently for another type of liberation movement.
I say it’s time to liberate our boobs! I call for a “Day Without a Bra”! Let’s bring back the burning of the bras and torch these torturous devices that incarcerate our breasts on a daily basis. Down with the boob jails! It’s time to emancipate our breasts!
Supposedly, bras came to be in the 14th century when somebody, decided that although the human body naturally allows for these fleshy mounds to hang and sag, they all of a sudden needed to be elevated and therefore things like bras and corsets were created to push them up. Women were relegated to spending thousands of dollars to buy bras to hoist their breasts up. Others spend even more to get surgeries to elevate their breast game. WHY? WHY did we let people tell us where we should situate our boobs? If they were meant to be up “there” wouldn’t they naturally be up there???? That’s like deciding eyelids shouldn’t droop down over our eyeballs and creating an unnecessary device to prop them up. What about testicles? Why aren’t we trying to relocate those? Balls could use bras too.
Here’s another question. Whose bright idea it was was to slip metal WIRE into the underside of the brassiere? I have a permanent scar in the spot where the wire always inevitably ends up poking out of the fabric and stabbing me. Don’t even get me started on SPORTS BRAS! Sports bras take things to a different level. Every sports bra I have ever tried on crushes my rib cage. I don’t know what my ribs ever did to deserve that!
I’m sure a lot of women would agree with me that one of the BEST feelings in the world is coming home after a long day and ripping off our bras. Could you just imagine if we could have that feeling ALL DAY LONG? We could. If only we all decided in unison that we were going to burn every single bra we owned.
I know this is just a pipe dream and most likely would never happen, so I’m changing my plea to see if we could at least design and create a new type of brassiere that not only lifts our boobs but also does something productive with our back fat?